Sometimes when I get bored, I wonder if someone came up with such a dull screenplay where I am cast as a mundane character. The writer is doing terrible storytelling, making me not experience any happiness, sadness, anger, exhilaration, anxious, romance, and whatnot. Your average ‘do the same things daily’ Manasbi. Even right now, the blog post that you are currently reading might be the manifestation of thoughts of a terrible screenwriter and my brain, the director of the mess, forcing me into acting a clichéd character. I do not even know the motive behind the blog post, but here I am doing it regardless.
For your clarity, I do not believe that any superior beings are controlling every action that we do. If that were the case, they would not allow the lousy screenwriter to pen a flop movie even though the actor (me, of course!) is of a high caliber. It is like shooting last year’s ‘The Mummy’ film—although Tom Cruise starred, the story was of the lowest quality. So, whomever the screenwriter is, I will have no mercy. The movie won’t earn any profits.
Let’s get a rundown of what I do every day: wake up, poop, take shower, brush, have breakfast, go to work, work, work, work, lunch (wait, what was that work all about??), work, work, work, work (apparently, I do nothing but work throughout the day, huh? Where’s the logic in that Mr. Screenwriter?), finish work (finally, wow. You left it late, Mr. Screenwriter!), go home, arrive home, code for a bit (Edit from the screenwriter: “He codes at work too, oopsie ☹”), have dinner, sleep, read manga (Edit from the screenwriter: “His favorite genre right now is shoujo, maybe because he has not experienced any romance yet, hahaha.”), watch anime (only good thing you have done in this boring story, Mr. Screenwriter.), sleep (finally! That’s why I sleep at work, huh?). Then, the cycle repeats every day.
In an alternate reality, I imagine being the lead actor of a movie directed by Christopher Nolan and screen played by Jonathon Nolan. The duo would do justice directing my biopic even though there’s a possibility that the story is clichéd (Don’t worry, I cannot have a gripping account). The story would have climax, a bit of romance (no tsundere please, Mr. Nolan), some sad backstory, dream within dreams. Wait a minute. I feel déjà vu. Am I not in a dream within the dream of the annoying screenwriter right now? I could be the side character in Dark Knight Trilogy (I know, this is supposed to be about me being the main character, but I can be content getting at least a role in Batman movie. Just let me live the time of my life! Wait, why I am just blabbering and imagining an unimaginable scenario. I swear this Mr. Screenwriter will be dragged to Hell if it exists.
Anyways, I digressed a lot. Sorry about that as it is not under my control. I am seeking justice as the main character. You may be wondering: what does this have to do with me? Well, you are right to some extent. You are not the main character in this story, and it hurts. I know the feeling (side role in the Batman movie). You need to realize, as side characters, that your primary purpose is to enhance the beauty of the main character and strengthen his motivations in the film. Also, when my biopic premiers after I die, will you want to be someone who did not have any impact on my life? You absolutely would not. Alternatively, you would (Edit from the screenwriter: “Hmm. Never thought I would have fans who enjoy his misery. Huhaahaha”). Some of you may have wanted to be a part of my family, some as my best friends (I still don’t have any best friends. They are all good friends 😊). Some may vie to be the lead actress (Edit from the screenwriter: “Don’t be carried away by his wishful thinking. He is destined to be alone forever. Hahahahahaha.”). Some may want to crush my dreams as the main villain. Some may want to be my teachers (I need to be inspired, right??). The point is that you want to be part of something bigger and hence my captivity in this annoying as hell story should matter to you.
The screenwriter and I have not found any common grounds to make peace as he forces me to act these boring scenes. I do not get breaks during the making of the movie. I do not get paid as a lead actor (Edit from the screenwriter: “You will only get paid after the movie completes, FYI”). I am always tired. I just wished Mr. Screenwriter would have introduced some exciting elements to my boring life. For example, traveling around the world in 80 days, experiencing getting on roller coaster, visiting Raftel and Emirates Stadium, meeting my soulmate (Edit from the screenwriter: “Why does he only think about getting a girl, huh? I introduced him to too many shoujo mangas it seems.”) and so on. I try to stay positive but in vain.
Ah, I have the spidey sense that Mr. Screenwriter has finally run out of ideas. All his criticisms have been exposed in this short post. He must be feeling sorry for creating an annoying main character (Edit from the screenwriter: “I am enjoying, to be honest. Think about it, you guys (the readers) never experienced a lead character this boring right?”). I still feel Mr. Screenwriter should have gone to a reputed journalism school to hone his creative writing skills (Edit from the screenwriter: “For the first time in my life, I agree with my main character.”). Now, you have already noticed that the screenwriter is writing stupid comments often in the last few sentences. His creativity levels have dropped in such a short time. Wow. Booooooooooooooooo, Mr. Screenwriter. You get what you deserve.
If this is not proof that a boring screenwriter writes my boring life, then I don’t know what is!
(Edit from the screenwriter: “The entire monologue is purely a work of non-fiction. It matches the life of Manasbi. Any resemblances to the character are intentional. Devilish laugh intensifies).